“Do not make the presence or absence of any sexual desire who you are.” - Dr. Christopher Yuan, Holy Sexuality

Grab your coffee and a comfy chair and let me tell you a story that might just shock you!

Over 20 years ago, after a marriage I should never have entered into in the first place began to implode and then ended suddenly, I turned away from God and my faith and began the first of several homosexual relationships. The pain I had been carrying from years of abuse as well as neglecting my relationship with Jesus seemed to be lessened at first. My partner cared for me, and I felt heard and seen for the first time in my life.

However, I had new pain - from turning my back on my Savior and Lord. I would weep daily because of my sin. I hated that what was making me feel better in my flesh was hated by my creator. I looked for every resource I could find that said that homosexuality was not wrong and that I could have my faith and my partner. Though the Holy Spirit refused to allow me to truly believe any of it. That pricking in my soul was constant.

I knew that my mother was absolutely devasted by my rebellion. Her tears flowed like mine. I also knew my mother to be a prayer warrior. Whenever I was having a particularly rough time or the pricking in my spirit would get extra painful, I would tearfully joke, "Mom must be praying again."

And pray she did - for 15 years!! That's right - even though the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin from the very beginning, I chose to walk in my flesh for 15 years before surrendering it all to Jesus! Thank you, Lord, that you are patient and faithful!

Shortly after my surrender, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Christopher Yuan speak on sexuality. Dr. Yuan is a follower of Jesus who once identified as a gay man and has written several books on the topic. God used what Dr. Yuan said in his lectures to change the direction of my life and set me on a path towards ministry to those caught in sin and those who love them. Last night, Mom and I got to hear him speak again, and we were able to tell him our story. There were hugs and tears! God redeems! Praise the Lord!

With that said, here are 5 practical steps, taken from Dr. Yuan's lectures and my own experience, on how you can minister to your loved ones caught in sin.

1. Consider your own sin first.

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5, ESV)

God wants us to be more concerned about our own sin than the sin of those around us. Focus on your walk with Jesus. Are you praying constantly? Are you in God's Word? How would you describe your relationship with Jesus? If we are doing what God calls us to do, then we have positioned ourselves to be used by God to minister to others if and how HE decides.

2. Understand the power that sin has over them.

For many people who have same-sex attractions, being a homosexual becomes their identity. Everything they do revolves around being gay. All of their friends are gay. They believe the lie that they were "born this way." And in a sense, they were - we were all born with a sin nature! Each of us has a 'besetting sin,' meaning a sin that is really hard for us to shake and turn over to the power of the Holy Spirit. Think about what your own besetting sin is and be kind when judging theirs.

When I was in a lesbian relationship, the pressure to identify in every way as a lesbian was tremendous. Many of my friends wore that title as a badge of honor or maybe as a shield. If someone told us that what we were doing was sin, we heard that as "who you are is sinful." Imagine being told that your identity is a sin.

Remember that you want them to be saved, not to become straight. Heterosexuality is not salvation. You can be straight and lost just as easily as you can be gay and lost. Focus on praying for their salvation, not on God removing a particular sin.

This is a work only God can do, to separate the sin from their identity and restore them to Himself. That is why getting into debates or "making sure they know it is a sin" or needing them to know that "I just don't agree with it" is not only not helpful but can be detrimental to their coming to faith in Christ. If you want to know more about how powerful this particular sin can be, I encourage you to check out Dr. Yuan's work at the Holy Sexuality Project.

This is where the next step comes in.

3. Pray and fast.

If you should not debate about the sin, what should you do? Seek God through prayer and fasting. Pour out your heart to Him and let Him know your burden for your loved one. Ask that He redeem them, and trust that He will. Continue to pray until you see God move, and then thank Him for His salvation! Any time you have the temptation to lash out at them or to unleash all the reasons why you think they need to change and change now, stop. Get on your knees. Pray. That will do more good in the long run than anything you could tell them. It is also the more loving response. Which brings me to my next point.

4. Tell them you love them.

What you can tell them is how much you love them. And leave off the "but" - as in "I love you, but the way you..." The minute you finish that sentence with a 'but' you negate everything you said before it. You love them. Period.

Invite them over. Have dinner with them. Become friends with their significant other. A lie we have believed is that in order to love someone we have to love everything they do. Ask any parent if they love everything their child does. If they say yes, they are lying or delusional! Yet, as parents, we love those little sinners more than life itself! And would do anything for them - even in the midst of their sin!! Why should we treat our loved ones dealing with sexual sin (or any sin for that matter) any differently?

5. Be patient!

If my mom had decided after the first few months, or even the first few years, that God was not going to answer her prayers to redeem her daughter, we would not be here today as ministry partners in The Ruby Tent! I might not have ever listened to God's still small voice again. I might not have a husband and children who walk this path with me. 15 years!! I cannot emphasize that enough. God is longsuffering! I know that through my experience of Him. And you can trust that He will be faithful and longsuffering for your loved one as well. (And for you!)

Remember, we are all sinners. Jesus saves us through His grace. Without Him, we would all be just as lost as the loved one you have a burden for. Don't ever forget your own need for God's forgiveness is just as great as anyone else's need.

The two key points to remember are 1 - we are all created in God's image, and 2 - we are all sinners and deserving of judgement. The particular sin does not matter. All sin grieves God! Thus, you can apply the above steps to anyone you are praying for - not just those who have same-sex attraction. Without the redemptive work of Jesus, none of us have hope. But there is good news! Jesus died and was resurrected so that we may be forgiven and have eternal life! Praise you, Lord!!

If you are struggling with same-sex desires, I would love to pray for you. Please email me directly at [email protected]. If you are a parent of someone dealing with same-sex attraction and don't know where to turn, you can email my mom at [email protected]. She, too, would love to pray with you and for you.

If you want to know more about how Jesus can forgive you of your sins, check out How do I become saved? (therubytent.com).

We love you! Yes, even you!

🌈Are you hurting because a loved one, especially a child, is caught in the sin of homosexuality?

Then I have a course that was made just for you! My mom and I dive into our story and what God taught us through our journey. We provide practical suggestions on how to implement God's design for love in 1 Corinthians 13 so that your child knows you love them. Learn more here: https://therubytent.com/lovegodsway

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