“Tell this new generation who they really are.” - God

Review of John Mark Comer's book,
Loveology

Last week I finished John Mark Comer’s book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. The beginning was good, but the end was life changing. I am working through how God wants to implement all that I have learned, but for now, I am slowing down, spending more time with my Lord and Savior, and savoring the blessings that He has provided in His infinite goodness. Oh, and I deleted my social media apps from my phone. More on that in another post…

Like any self-proclaimed bibliophile, when I read a book I truly enjoy, I find all the other books by that author and will most likely make my way through the entire catalog. This week was no different, I found myself searching for information about John Mark Comer and what other books he had written. I purchased two - Practicing the Way, and Loveology. Though I have read (or am reading) both this week, I want to spend time discussing Loveology because its content is so close to my heart and the calling I believe God has placed on me.

Warning - this is a subject I have lived and been delivered from, and just like an ex-smoker becomes the person who hates smoking more than any others, I am pulling no punches on my thoughts regarding the matters of gender and sexuality. If you dare - read on.

With that warning - here we go...

Two nights ago, God woke me up in the middle of the night with a message, “Tell this new generation who they really are.” We are living in a society that has become so confused regarding gender and sexuality that you would never even guess at God’s plan for them if you used the templates we see around us as our examples. Children in Gen Z, or now Gen Alpha, are taught daily that gender is a choice and that sexuality is something that you cannot and should not control. My own rebellion in the area of sexuality and God’s amazing redemption of that area of my life and the healing I have experienced makes my heart break for these generations who have never known a world where the majority believed God’s design was good and true. If we do not stand up against the oppressors who are trying to keep our children in bondage for their own sexual pleasures, we are no better than the nations God destroyed in Cannan who were sacrificing their children to demons.

What on earth does that have to do with Loveology? I am so glad you asked! The main reason I chose to read this book was to determine if Comer’s teachings in this area were in line with what God has revealed to me through His Word. After all, he is a self-professed liberal living in Portland, OR, one of the most “progressive” cities in America. The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry showed me that his writings did seem deeply grounded in scripture, so I prayed this book, on such an important and “controversial” topic, would be similar. I prayed he had not succumb to the pressure of the culture to affirm gay marriage or reinterpret the scriptures. Then, before I even got very far into reading the book, I saw a review that gave the book very few stars on the basis that it did not affirm those with same-sex attraction. Yes! I wanted to write a five-star review for the book just based on that one review alone. But that would not have been doing my due diligence. So, I continued to read.

Comer begins his treatise on love, marriage, sexuality, and gender in the most logical place - the beginning, i.e. Genesis. He discusses the details of the creation of man and woman, God’s design for them, and how that design informs marriage. He discusses the gift of sex, and why reserving that very good gift for the context of marriage between a man and woman is the only way to truly enjoy that gift. Comer even covers romance with a discussion of a few love stories in the Bible. The book ends with a short (in the context of the overall work) coverage on the gender wars and same-sex attraction. Comer’s conclusions in this area are spot on, Biblical, and loving. He is kind while not capitulating to the cultural norms.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

My favorite part of the book is Comer’s detailed and extensive discussion, taking almost a third of the book, on one sentence of scripture, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). In particular, he expounds upon the word “therefore” or the “why” of marriage. Why did God create marriage in the first place? What is marriage for? I love Comer’s answer. He identifies four things he says define the purpose from God for marriage. It is for “friendship, gardening, sexuality, and family.” Did you do a double-take there in the middle of the list? I did! Gardening? Yes, gardening, or as Comer explains, God’s command to rule over and subdue the earth - our work in God’s Kingdom. I won’t explain the rest, as I think they will make sense to you, but you really must read the depth of Comer’s explanations for each one.

Comer’s explanation of the purpose of marriage reminds me of the message of Francis Chan’s book You and Me Forever: Marriage in light of eternity, marriage is not for your happiness, but for your holiness. Our marriage is to help each of us work in God’s Kingdom in ways we could not do alone. Otherwise, singleness is a good and better option.

What is marriage for? According to Comer, it is for “friendship, gardening, sexuality, and family.”

As for acting on same-sex attraction or gay marriage, Comer agrees that there is no place for either in the life of a follower of Jesus. We may not be able to choose whether or not we struggle with same-sex attraction, but we can crucify our ungodly attractions (those to someone of the same sex or to someone not your spouse, does not matter) daily to the glory of God through His grace. We are to take our thoughts (and attractions) captive and make them obedient to Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5). That does not just apply to same-sex attractions. If you are single and finding yourself attracted (read “lusting after”) someone who is not yet your spouse, you should confess and repent. If you are married and find yourself doing the same thing, you should confess and repent. We are to be the ones in control of our sexual urges, regardless of which gender they are directed towards. However, in a culture with rampant sex trafficking and child sexual abuse, the teaching that all of us are supposed to control our sexual urges would hinder the ability to hurt, abuse, and control through sex. God gave us the very good gift of sex, but He did not say we should use that gift in any way we wanted, because He knew what He was handing us. Like fire can be an amazing gift that warms us, cleanses, and cooks our food, it can be something that is used to destroy as well if allowed to go uncontrolled. Sexuality is the same. It is an amazing way to bond two people together for eternity, to unite and draw together. But it can also destroy. Let us no longer accept the lie, nor allow it to be perpetrated, that sexuality should not be controlled. “Sexual expression” in any manner you choose is not a right that you have. This is a lie of the enemy to enslave and bind us to his agenda of stealing, killing, and destroying.

Similarly, gender is not up for debate. God created two genders, male and female, and a purpose and calling for each. The question is not whether or not you agree with that statement. The question is whether or not you believe that God is the creator and as such is sovereign to create the world as He chooses regardless of our preferences. We can say, “No, I don’t believe that.” Fine. Go forth. But be careful not to call yourself a follower of Christ, as Christ would say He IS God, and does have that authority.

Let us no longer accept the lie, nor allow it to be perpetrated, that sexuality should not be controlled. Similarly, gender is not up for debate. God created two genders, male and female, and a purpose and calling for each.

I attended a choir concert last night, and it is always heartbreaking for me. There are so many people there openly lost, and so many precious young people who want to love those that are lost, but have been taught to do so in a way that is not following Jesus. They affirm their friend’s decision to be referred to as a “them” or their teacher’s homosexual lifestyle. After all, these people are precious to them. These people should be precious to us all! But affirming their sinful choices is not God honoring. And the church has not helped, but been another wrong voice in the crowd, shouting condemnations. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Do you know where that verse is found? Right after the most famous verse in scripture! The very next verse. John 3:17. Instead of condemning, we should be pointing the way to Jesus, walking with them in truth, and loving them towards repentance. We should be the safest place for confessing sin, not the least safe. We have not taught our children how to love those in open rebellion to God because we don’t know how to do that ourselves! For my advice on five practical ways to love someone in open rebellion to Christ, read my blog post here.

Bringing this back to Loveology, I believe that John Mark Comer demonstrates in this book how to love someone who is not walking with Jesus in a way that is God honoring. We must remember the heart of our Father, and be kind, patient, loving, and speak truth and life over them, not condemnation or judgment. He gives practical examples of how his church is loving those in the LGBTQ+ community while pointing them to a better way - the way of Jesus.

I would recommend this book to anyone, especially those with children nearing middle school or older. If you have teenagers at home, buy you and them each a copy and read it and discuss it together. There will be awkward parts. You will blush and get embarrassed with some of the honesty in the book regarding sex when talking to your child. But they need to hear it, and hear it from YOU. I will be purchasing it for my teenagers, as the way Comer explains how to date, find a spouse, and live out your sexuality is what I want for each of them. I want God’s way for their lives - because it is best. And I believe that John Mark has done it once again, and shown us the Way of Jesus.

Do you want to learn more about how to follow the Way of Jesus? Check out our book, First Steps of Faith: Learning to walk with Jesus. We discuss four foundational aspects of beginning your faith journey and learning how to enter into His presence.

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