“He wasn’t abdicating his role as leader of our family by allowing me to walk in my authority as her mother. He was using his authority to support mine. When you lead leaders, you expect them to lead!” - Carolyn Wiley

Did you know that God has appointed you over at least one domain here on earth?

God told us in Genesis to have dominion over the earth and subdue it (Genesis 1:28). A domain is an area of responsibility. Our domain might be our role at work or our role in our family, or both. We are to take responsibility for the protection, provision, prosperity, and peace of that domain, just as a Queen takes responsibility for her kingdom. Meaning, with the leading and power of the Holy Spirit, you are to own your role as mom or teacher or business person, and work as though for the Lord to ensure that your domain, your “kingdom,” brings glory to God, who is the King of Kings.

I taught in higher education for two decades, beginning fresh out of my master’s degree. I would tell my students that my classroom was not a democracy - they did not get to vote on what we were learning or if they had homework - it was a Queendom, and I was the Queen. I stole that saying from my very first choir teacher, a regal older woman who led her classroom with authority and grace. I wanted to have that same dignity and earned respect in my classroom that she had. Of course, when I began as a 22 year old college instructor, I wasn’t even older than most of my students, so owning my authority in the classroom did not come naturally nor gracefully. I threw my share of tantrums in front of the class as a young teacher when the students did not respond as I intended. This led to being reprimanded by my supervisors on a few occasions before I learned to exercise authority instead of seeking control. I had much to learn before I took ownership of my domain as leader in that classroom and learned how to partner with the students to get the best results.

From teaching, I spent a few years in administration, learning how to be a boss without being bossy. Like learning to teach, I knew I was called to it, but I did not take to it gracefully at first either. Thankfully I had wonderful people with whom I was able to grow in my skills and overcome my mistakes. As my skills grew, I was promoted and my domain increased. I then had the privilege of leading other leaders, and helping them to exercise authority in their domains as leaders in their classroom or leaders of other teachers. God used that executive role to help me be a better wife and mother, and vice versa.

When I first became a mom, I looked to my own mother and my mother-in-law, even my husband, to tell me how to mother. In many ways I wanted them to just give me the answers, tell me what to do. I was abdicating my authority as baby girl’s mom to those who were called to other domains in her life. I wasn’t truly owning my role and my authority. I didn’t understand how my authority intersected with my husband’s authority, us each having unique roles that work best in harmony with each other. I would look to him to make all the decisions as the leader of our family, even as he expected me to make the decisions in my domain for myself.

As an example, when baby girl was still a toddler, she got injured. All of my “advisors” were present, and each chimed in on what we should do. What I wanted though was for my husband to make a decision, to tell me this is how to handle this situation. I did not know that I had the power and authority to say, “We are taking her to the hospital, let’s go!” Should I have realized that? Of course! But my insecurities prevented me from seeing it so clearly then. I felt like I would be usurping his role as leader of our family if I made that call even when he was telling me I wouldn’t be. I didn’t yet understand that he was a leader of another leader, not a leader of a subject.

I felt like I would be usurping his role as leader of our family if I made that call even when he was telling me I wouldn’t be.

Years later, baby girl woke up sick in the middle of the night with a very high fever. Having grown in this area of dominion through much work of the Holy Spirit, I knew that I had the right to make the call. I woke my husband up not with a “what should we do,” but with a “Get up, we are going to the ER.” Amazingly, it saved much grief all around. Previously he would get frustrated that I wasn’t walking in my authority and I would get frustrated that he wasn’t leading. Having now been the leader of leaders, I know that leading others does not mean making all the decisions for them when it is their call to make. He wasn’t abdicating his role as leader of our family by allowing me to walk in my authority as her mother. He was using his authority to support mine! When you lead leaders, you expect them to lead! If you have to make all the decisions for them, you become frustrated because they are not doing their job. That was my husband. He would get frustrated when I would look to him to make all the decisions instead of working with him and making those calls myself as a grown capable woman. He was given a strong smart partner, and he rightfully expected me to act like it. He has his own areas of responsibility and decisions he has to make and he didn’t need to be making mine as well. That was not being his helpmate. That was being another responsibility he had to shoulder.

If you are a mom, are you working to bring peace, prosperity, provision, and protection to your children and your home through what you do, what you teach them, and how you partner with their father? Are you owning your role as mom over that domain, in leadership and authority and cooperation with your husband? Is your husband able to support your authority with his, or does he have to shoulder an additional burden?

If you are a teacher, are you bringing peace, protection, prosperity, and provision to your classroom every day? Are you showing up in your full authority in that role, partnering well with those that are in authority over you and those that work with you? Are you their ally or their enemy?

If you work in business or own your own business, are you using your business to bring peace, protection, prosperity, and provision to your customers? Are you using your God-given authority to bring glory to Him in your work?

Thank you, Lord, that you have grown me in this area. Now I know when the decision is mine to make in my authority and when it is mine to advise on. Now I understand the difference between seeking advice and abdicating my responsibility for making the decision. I still need His grace daily to accomplish all that He has put in my domain. God’s grace is His power to accomplish in us and through us that which we cannot accomplish on our own (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17), and it is through His grace alone that I can do any of this.

I pray each of you will seek the Lord about where your domain’s boundaries lie, and how to exercise the authority He has given you in that area with His leading and power. May you, through His grace, subdue your domain and bring it peace, protection, prosperity, and provision.

Now go be the Queen over the “Queendom” God has set you over.